All around the country, families are making “pods” with other families. Essentially, these pods are their bubble of families agreeing to socially distance and primarily play together. They may go on safe outings together, have play dates at home, be each other’s limited birthday guest list, etc. These families are certainly each other’s emotional support and a main way their children are learning to play with others. If you don’t have a pod (or even if you do), here are some things to think about and questions to ask each other.
1. Is this a group of people I can have open and honest communication with?
Open communication is key to making your pods to avoid hurt feelings or falling into people pleasing actions that you aren’t comfortable with. Outlining your boundaries early on and agreeing to reassess as new information is available can help everyone to feel comfortable. If you can’t talk about your expectations and deal breakers together, it is going to be a bumpy ride. While in normal times, it is pretty invasive to make a plan about how often your friend goes to the grocery store, we certainly aren’t living in normal times and the last thing you want is to realize that you are engaging in each other’s deal breakers without realizing it.
2. Do we agree on the hard questions?
While you may not need to necessarily agree on each action, you need to agree to be ok with what the other families are comfortable doing in their own time. This may include questions like:
What level of socially distancing are we all comfortable with?
How often do our families go to public places?
If we aren’t somewhere with a mandate (outside, at each other’s houses, etc), will we wear masks?
Is anyone traveling soon? What is everyone’s comfort level with that?
What exposure to COVID does each household have through jobs?
What exposure to kids outside of our pod are we planning/ finding acceptable?
What other deal breakers do we have?
3. How compatible are our parenting styles?
This is such a touchy subject and can quickly spiral into feeling like you are judging each other. Please avoid that! We are all doing our best in the moment and under extraordinary circumstances. You probably know just from being around your friends whether your styles are compatible but this is a reminder that it is ok to limit or distance yourself if you are not gelling with each other right now and need some space.
4. What activities will we do? Who will carry the mental load of these activities?
Let’s face it, I’m mostly talking to moms right now. We all know that we tend to carry the mental load of our households, now we are throwing entertaining a pack of kids in the mix. Are you going to stick to outdoors? Indoors? Meeting at locations (parks, beaches, businesses) or at each other’s houses? If you are at each other’s houses, are you planning activities? Think about ways to ease each other’s mental load, whether that being dividing up picking locations, contacting businesses (like ours) to set up play dates, bringing snacks, etc. Remember that the go getter planner in your group may be needing more help than they let on.
5. How comfortable am I with the other parents in my pod?
This may seem like a no brainer, but if these are the other parents in the trenches that you will most often communicate with and a big part of your emotional support system. If you don’t feel like you can open up and talk to them you may end up feeling more alone even though you are socializing more. Remember that your mental health is valuable and deserves consideration in all decisions you make.
I hope these talking points and considerations are helpful to you! My ultimate take away for you is to guard your sanity, talk honestly, and keep common interests in mind in this process.